Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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