a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I just want nice things and good sex
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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