making cat noises will not fix the situation.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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