I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
