people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
