You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
