2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
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