Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
PANTIES FOUND
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