You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize