PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
