are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
