but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
