The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
