Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
