I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
this boner is exhausting
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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