There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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