I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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