"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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