Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
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