i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
