Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Dignity is for republicans.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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