After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
