only you would photoshop your dick
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
