I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
