Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
