I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
