Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Randomize
