i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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