I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
