What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
