She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
