guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
