I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
