glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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