my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
