Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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