If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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