my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
