I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome