6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.