Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
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Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
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Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.