I showed him my bush... on skype.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?