you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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