I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
