i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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