Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
So here I am, sexting at work.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
