he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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