so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
