i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
