meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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