I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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