You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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