I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Randomize
