What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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