i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I love you. Go after that dick
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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