Operation Purity has been aborted
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Just invented taco cereal.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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