Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
