be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
