We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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