I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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