there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
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When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
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I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.