Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
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I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
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And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.