Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
My life is pants optional.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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