Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
your like the ambassador to my penis.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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