everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
