Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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