is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
