That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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