I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
