yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
